third grade

angry (11/8/22 7:43am)

i get way to angry sometimes. but am i wrong or is it wrong to believe in me. intensely exactly. i don’t want to hate it here because that is to create that reality but fuck is it wrong to be nervous and over it at 26. 36. 46. 96. 1996 thoughts beg of return. but life is light so it wrong to want darkness. since this light dogs like travelers sinks on dead highways that make me feel dead away. lifeless in hate. drowned by attachment. cursed with love. we must want happiness for everyone for everything but am i wrong for being non accepting non acknowledging. 

i think your disgusting….which is why i don’t want to touch. your hurt caused distrust that you don’t care to earn back it seems. i can’t heal in a week. in a month. now. i don’t even want to try anymore for i wish to be me. just me. forever. no cares of how that makes you feel. for this is not your life. it’s mine. privacy. giving you most of it seriously trying. but i lie as much as you. know that. no less. no more. 

wanting to be alone is something so hard to express since hurt is more of an indication of emotional stress. and being alone does hurt a lot. i want to be happy. i want to make myself happy. i can make myself happy. i will make myself happy. i am happy. 

life is beautiful so beautiful. it is very important to remember to keep your head to the skyyyyy. at all times. say what you mean. mean what you sayyyyyyy. i must stand on my own ground and actually own it.